you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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