he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
