Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
