Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize