my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
