he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
