shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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