Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize