Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
