I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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