shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize