I looked at my own cervix.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
