if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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