If that was your dad, he is hot
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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