meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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