Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
