I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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