i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
