i think my tv is drunk
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
