I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
