i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's rum buckets o'clock
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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