The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
