How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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