Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
