I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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