I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize