i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
