I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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