i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
