I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
