Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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