My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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