my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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