he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
