Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
