Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
