I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
