Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
