Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
