You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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