Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
