dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
