I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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