I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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