i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
