I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
