you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
