just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
