my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am naked and annoyed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
