Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
