I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
