Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have post one night stand depression
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize