is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
