whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
