My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
