I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
