Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
