then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
