Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
