Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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