ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
