Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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