Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
