The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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