He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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