i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
