Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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