she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize