I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
