i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need water and some morals
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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