Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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