Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
