Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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