i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
