I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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