We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
