It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
